January 2008 Archives

I love these cartoon skeleton drawings!

You can find more here.

Adios, Mr. Hinckley. Too bad you couldn't take Fred Phelps with you. The only thing I can say positively about you is that thanks to your ministry of shameless and cynical self aggrandizement, there are less people who believe in Joseph Smith's con game now than there might have otherwise been.

Some highlights you won't get from the local news media:

• He single-handedly denied almost as much LDS doctrine in public as me (see the Mike Wallace interview).
• Just like Jesus, he flew around in a private jet donated by the Huntsman famil...er wait. Never mind.
• In spite of holding the office of Prophet, he never made any prophecies or performed any miracles.
• He denied on camera ever directly speaking with God.
• He also denied on camera that men could become like God, which for over a hundred years had been a core Mormon doctrine.
  
• He built a quarter-of-a-billion-dollar Meganacle in Salt Lake City. The homeless continue to wait outside in the cold for food and shelter just a few blocks away. But the homeless couldn't satisfy his ego, so he built dozens of McTemples and a billion dollar mall downtown.

I suspect that Hinckley has been out of commission for some time now.  In the summer of 2007, an inside source of mine at the Salt Lake Tribune told me that the suits from the Church Administration Building had paid an important visit in which they arranged all the details for what they'd need to do in the event of his death.

Given the dramatic and vocal change in the LDS church's public policy over the last few weeks (removing wine coolers from grocery stores, immigration reform), it makes sense to me now that someone else has been in charge. A precedent for this was set with Ezra Taft Benson before him.

I could go on and on, but he really doesn't deserve the time. So here's to your worldly legacy, Gordo. I can honestly say the world is a better place without you.

Gotta post this one quickly because I'm headed out for dinner with family.

Weight
Still at 175lbs/79kg.

Workouts

Date	Workout	Time	Distance (Miles)	Calories
1/19/2008	Running	1:03:08	5	757
1/21/2008	Running	35:06	3	451
1/23/2008	Running	39:56	3.25	491

As you can see, I missed weights altogether. Slacker me. Just chalk it up to scheduling conflicts. Mileage is up though. I probably won't have time to run tonight, but will log another long run tomorrow. I'll update the picture then.

It's probably painfully obvious that I'm no professional wine reviewer. I hope to work that to my advantage. After all, if it were me, I'd want you to cut out all the bloated pretense and just tell me if it tastes good or not.

So, on with today's review. I wasn't sure what to think about a winery with a sense of humor, but this Napa Valley wine was quite delicious. The first sip tasted like apples. It was a little sweeter than we expected, but it paired very well with the Lemon Caper Chicken and pasta that we had for dinner. I'd buy this one again.

Once again, it's going to hit 10 degrees Fahrenheit tonight (-12 Celsius for our friends outside of the US). It has been snowing every three to four days since November. I can't even remember what my yard and driveway look like. Hell, I didn't even have to shoot this picture in black and white.

So suck it, Al gore. I'm almost as sick of the Church of Man-made Global Warming of Latter-day saints as I am of all the other churches. If you really cared, you'd get into something truly clean and efficient. Hint: it's not your private jet.  Hint #2: Our current president calls it something that rhymes with PUKE-you-lar.

Most of the photography you'll see on my site is done using a five megapixel Nikon Coolpix 5700. I paid a crapload of money for it about five years ago, but it has served me very well. That hasn't kept me from wanting something better.

I'm still a little undecided for my next camera, but I'm leaning towards a Nikon D80 or a Canon 40D. If I had an endless supply of cash, I'd go for the Canon 5D. I've done some freelance with it, and it's awesome.

Depending on your experience, a modest amount of money can land you with more camera than you can handle. A great starter SLR is the Canon Digital Rebel. The only drawback is the plastic body, but that shouldn't be an issue for most people.

Before you do any shopping, I'd recommend spending some time at Steve's Digicams. He's got tons of in-depth reviews on practically every kind of camera you can think of.

Of course when it comes to great pictures, a lot more depends on the photographer than the equipment. As a photography teacher of mine in college was fond of saying, "You don't take good pictures, you make them."

When I woke up this morning, the sky was on fire. Ok by me.

I've heard of the Page 3 girls, but I have to say I never expected anything like this in Utah. Look what I found while visiting a local news site a couple mornings ago:

Funny...he doesn't look like a nude student to me.

Last week someone asked me if I could maybe name this project something other than Big Fat Friday. I assume their reasoning was that they wanted me to avoid offending anyone. No one wants to be told they're fat.

Well guess what? I'm fat. I've gained fifteen pounds in the two years since I ran a marathon, and I'm a hell of a lot slower. Or maybe we should name it There's Nothing Wrong Here At All, Move Along Please, You All Look Just as Good as You Think You Do Friday. Well if that's true, then you don't need us. Go be pretty and perfect somewhere else. It can't possibly be you, your pants must be lying.

This brings me to perhaps the only valuable thing I've ever learned watching early season episodes of American Idol. Imagine the pain and anguish you can save your dear tone-deaf friends if you just tell them that their singing sucks ass and that they should only do it alone in the desert. Into a pillow. With rocks in their mouth. Oh sure, it'll sting a little at first, but the truth'll set 'em loose, or loosen their pants, or something like that.

So you're here because you need to be here. Big whoop. It doesn't make you a bad person. It just means you're in bad shape. You're a hearty eater who doesn't know when to stop. It's ok that it's not ok. If you tough this out for a couple of years with me, you'll chuckle when you look back at your irresistible body in the mirror and say, "I love Big Fat Friday".

Weight
Still no scale. Hopefully I'll be pleasantly surprised when I finally buy one.
1/20/2008 (Update): Got the scale today. I'm at 175lbs/79kg.

Workouts

Date	Workout	Time	Distance (Miles)	Calories
1/12/2008	Running	42:51	3.5	529
1/14/2008	Running	19:28	1.64	247
1/15/2008	Weights (upper)
1/17/2008	Running	36:49	3.06	461
1/18/2008	Weights (upper)

The treadmill crapped out on the fourteenth, but it seems ok now. I hope it at least holds out until it's warm enough to run outside again. Here's to another good week!

I can't believe they actually rejected my cover art.

I was also a little surprised at how much this shot makes me look like a mentally retarded walrus.

Heidi: OH. MY. GAWD.

Doug: What?

Heidi: You don't think she actually remembers, do you?

Before any of you wine snobs start in with, "I am NOT drinking any fucking Merlot!", I have a confession to make—ok, two really. First, I love a good Merlot. Second, I only tried Casillero del Diablo because I liked the name (Devil's Cellar) and the cool logo.

I'm glad I did. If you're new to wine, this one from Chile is as great a place as any to start. It has a lighter, fruitier body, and is less dry than is typically characteristic of the Merlots I've tasted. Normally I'd pair a wine like this with steak or salmon, but last night we enjoyed most of the bottle with Wasa Sourdough Rye crispbread, mozarella cheese and summer sausage. Delicious.

If this is all the Devil's got waiting for me in his cellar, then I happily accept my fate.

Several months ago someone we know gave us a $25 iTunes gift card. While there were tons of songs we wanted to buy, we kept putting it off for one reason or another until tonight. After we put Brynn to bed, we made our way down to my cluttered office to enjoy a little music and download a few songs. Little did we know what we were in for.

If you want the short version of the story, it's this: I should have made the two-mile jog naked in the snow to Wal-Mart and bought the discs in person. The experience was that bad.

After entering the numbers from our gift card, Heidi went to the iTunes store and found a Colbie Caillat album she wanted. Easy enough, right? So she clicked on the Purchase Album button. I could almost smell the gin and pot on Steve Jobs' breath when a warning window popped up informing us that our version of iTunes wasn't current enough to download this particular album. Allrighty, then.

So we clicked on the upgrade button and waited. And waited. Then we got to wait a little. After what seemed like eons, the download finally started. Then we got to wait again for the 50MB+ file that would allow us to get our album.

Wait just a fucking minute!  Did he just say FIFTY PLUS MEG? For a software upgrade? What the hell is in there?  The album isn't even that big!  Well ok, I guess if I have to. I mean it was a gift, so it's not like I'm paying for this experience. And so we waited again.

We downloaded and ran the installation file, which was no small investment of our time, and it failed. Did I mention it crashed the computer? Yeah well, it did. So I rebooted, started the download again and the installation took on the second try. Somewhere in this process, iTunes managed to ask me for my password at least four times.

But we were in. We were good. It was time to get the music. Heidi clicked the download button again, only to be taken to a terms and conditions page full of baffling legalese that I'm sure no one ever reads. So we clicked I Agree, and nothing happened, so we had to start the download again.

Finally, an hour later, our first download started. Way to go Mr. Jobs. That's a great system for collecting money you've got there. I'm not sure a KMart in Afghanistan could have manufactured a lousier customer experience. I'd probably bitch about it more, but I'm too busy burning all these songs to CD so that I can convert them to a usable format for my MP3 players.

A few days ago someone told me with confidence that Utah leads the nation in porn consumption. Everyone else in the group agreed, but as usual I'm skeptical. Now I'll admit that I had a very good time researching, but this was the closest thing to a source I could find. Problem is, as sources go, it sucks. Just another paranoid pastor with an anti-happiness agenda.

And that's it. So if turns out it's not true, well then I guess we're all going to have to step up our efforts. Let me start things off on the right foot with this hot threesome. Please try to view this from Utah as many times as possible. After all, we've got our pride to maintain!

Seriously though, if any of you can find a real report backing up this claim, let me know. I'd love to post it.

All right, welcome to week two, everyone! I'm willing to do this alone if I have to, but I'll be a hell of a lot happier to have your help. Here are my stats for this week.

Weight
I haven't been out to buy the scale yet, so it's going to have to be a mystery for now.  By the way, I'm not expecting anyone else to do this part. I just want the measure of my progress.

Workouts

Date	Workout	Time	Distance (Miles)	Calories
1/5/2008	Running	47:04	3.5	532
1/7/2008	Running	23:09	2.00	300
1/8/2008	Weights (upper)
1/9/2008	Running	29:48	2.5	376
1/11/2008	Weights (upper)

I got the t-shirt from the Midnite Moon Run in Sandy, Utah last year. It's a great 5k with all of the craziness you'd expect from a bunch of people out running a race at midnight. I'd love to meet some of you out there if you're up to it.

If you've hopped on the bandwagon (and I can't blame you if you haven't), then just leave a comment with what you've done, or a link to your blog. Happy weekend!

Update (1/12/2008): Welcome to our first new participants. In the interest of everyone getting along, I'm not going to link to their bulletin board here. But hey, we're glad to see you!

A couple of years ago on a bulletin board I used to visit, a bunch of us started a remote workout group. Of course distance prevented any of us from actually meeting each other, but we reported in regularly with our progress. For a long time it was a great way to get or stay in shape and make new friends.

So with that in mind, I'd like to propose BFF - Big Fat Friday as an online group event. I've already written chapter one, but I'd love for a bunch of you to join me in your fitness goals for the new year.

So what are the rules? Well only one, really. Just report in every Friday on my site as a response to the Big Fat Friday post. I've already recruited a couple people, but the more the merrier!

Choose your own goals and rewards, and we'll hold you to it! My goal is to run the Wasatch Back Ragnar Relay. My reward is my first-ever tattoo (pictures to follow). I got earrings for the Deseret News marathon, so what was left? :)

One lighter, a piece of paper and the top of our xmas tree are all the props you need for a dramatic illustration of why you should get your tree out quickly after the holiday.

I've known it about myself for a long time that I do a hell of a lot better keeping my goals when I go around blabbing to them to everyone. I'll be reporting on my progress every week with my weight, my exercise summary for the week, and a picture of me needing to get into shape. Heidi made me promise not to go topless, but I am taking the pictures, and I'll play them as a progression at the time of the race. Consider yourselves forewarned!

Weight
About 180. Damn home brew. I don't have a scale yet, so this'll get more accurate in the future.

Workouts

Date	Workout	Time	Distance (Miles)	Calories
1/1/2008	Running	24:25	2.03	303
1/3/2008	Running	24:23	2.00	297
1/4/2008	Weights (upper)

And that's it for this week. Not a bad start, but there's definitely room for improvement.

The one candidate who I thought might actually understand the US Constitution doesn't have a clue why we need a distinct seperation of church and state. He's also clueless on evolution and abortion. Tragic for a guy who seems to have so much right.

Hell, why not? Everybody's doing it.

Actually, I've never made a big deal of resolutions. There's only been one that I've consistently kept, and that's to not make one. Last year, I broke with tradition and resolved to start a podcast. We've done ok with that, but I don't think I realized how big the project was. We'll continue intermittently in the future. Hopefully the YouTube channel will fill a little of the gap.

Here's what's on my list for this year so far:

• New camera (Nikon D80) for freelance and fun. I know that sounds like something I'd just pick up, but I'm going to have to save for this one.
  
• Run the Ragnar Relay.
  
• And a raise would be nice. Are you listening to me payroll gods?
  

That should do it for now. Time to hit the treadmill.