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Eight Hours of Recommended Reading

(But only if you're really slow.)

Eight Hours Worth
of other Blogs

I've been to too many blogs to list them all in this column, but you can see the list here.

At Least Eight Hours Worth of Podcasts I'm Not Supposed to Like:

January 2007


EHL Podcast: Episode 5

Judge Not That Ye...Uhh...Yeah. Never Mind.

Sunday, January 28, 2007
11:45PM

Maintaining happy, healthy family relationships can be tricky enough, but when you have differing ideas of philosophy and religion is the resulting pressure something you can work around? You'll also want to tune in for a very special announcement involving this:

Oh boy. Or maybe oh girl. We just don't know yet.

Now with the goodness of compression.

Download this episode. (16MB)
Subscribe to the podcast.

Dear Doug

Sunday, January 28, 2007
1:38PM

Last week I got an email from a reader that I’m sharing with her permission. I can relate all too well to a lot of what she has to say, and it gave me a lot to think about. I’ve done my best to answer, but I’d be happy to hear from the rest of you as well.

***

Hi Doug,

I would imagine you have little time and interest in starting a Dear Abby column for those folks, like me, who are non-Mormon holdouts in their families. Yes that’s us, the Gentiles who can’t seem to see the light. The rest of my small family (parents and older sister) converted in 1973, but I never did, and I never will. So there (stamping foot)! Even though I am fully aware that the minute I’m dead, someone will be jumping into the tub in my behalf.

I’ve mostly had a live-and-let-live attitude towards this, even though I’m expected to be thrilled when two nephews went on their missions (I just wanted them to do what made them happy!), when my parents left their home for a year to serve a senior mission in Liberty, Missouri (same reaction). I was expected to be aghast when two nephews became involved/engaged to/cohabitated with non-Mormons (not at all aghast having cohabitated several times meself). Personally I couldn’t care less if my family members were gay, bisexual, Buddhist, serial monogamists, Republican (well, the Republican thing does bother me, a bit), drinkers, smokers, nudists, Coke-imbibers, vegan, meat-eaters, whatever. We all have to find our own way, that’s my philosophy. I don’t even particularly mind the polygamy thing, I can see its philosophical and practical advantages (guys need variety, women could use the help) …. but I’m 100% again it being proscribed as a part of a religion, and required as a part of one’s hop up the eternity ladder.

Anyway, that’s just me. I realize that much to my parents’ chagrin, I am completely uninterested in joining their religion, taking the lessons, blahblahblah. I am fairly educated about the church and its shortcomings and contradictions, but I don’t throw any of that in my family’s face; it’s not for me to do. I figure that’s the basis of faith: that which cannot be proven, and that which cannot be swayed in the face of fact and logic. So I don’t even try. We don’t discuss it, and for the most part all of the family gets along, even though I am totally aware I’m an outsider to much of their lives. (Although for the life of me…my sister is at the MENSA-level intelligence wise, and how she could’ve fallen for this, I am totally clueless.) My parents are loving, giving, kind and generous people and most everyone who meets them wants to adopt them, as grandparents if nothing else. They’ve even served unknowingly as chick-magnets for a few of my nephews: young women just love my parents.

So, here’s my Dear Doug question background: last week my mom sent me copies of a sacrament talk she and my father had given last fall. She said she sent copies out to all the family members for “family history” information, though, I’m not sure I totally believe her; I’m suspecting a more targeted mailing, like, to me. They were supposed to talk about the blessings in their lives, and they each spoke about meeting and marrying (they’ve been happily married since 1947), having children, joining the church, having grandchildren, their mission, their current temple work etc and blessings along the way. All fine and good. However, the only reference my mom made to me was as the daughter who was “not receptive to the teachings” and who caused them grief and pain because I was not a member. My dad referred to me as his youngest daughter who lived in California and was unable to have children. I wasn’t mentioned again.

My Dear Doug question is, Am I totally wrong in my reaction of, What The F*ck??? Is that all I am, a grief/pain causing, unreceptive, sterile, California-living Gentile? I KNOW my mom is going to ask me “Oh, did you get the talks we sent?” What in the world am I supposed to say?

Hi Susan,

I've read through your email a few times now and I'll make an attempt at answering your letter. No need for apologies. It's an honor to help where I can. Of course you know your situation better than I ever will, so I hope you'll only take my comments for what they are—advice. It's really up to you to draw your own conclusions. I guess what I'm saying is, if none of what I'm about to say makes sense, I won't be at all offended if you throw it out.

First of all, congratulations. I'm impressed that you managed to avoid conversion against those odds. It can't have been easy or fun to be around that kind of pressure. Even more impressive is that you've managed to keep a live-and-let-live attitude through it all.

I totally understand where you’re coming from. My parents are practically incapable of holding a conversation that doesn't eventually somehow wind back into something to do with church. My wife and I, both atheists, politely tolerate it now, but it hasn't always been easy. Of course that's a long story for another time, so I won't bore you with it here.

Wouldn't it be nice though to hold your parents to the same standard? Heidi and I have started doing this, and I have to say it has been liberating. They talk about Sunday School, we talk about Sunday shopping. We don't do it to be rude--it's just a natural part of our lives, so there's no reason we shouldn't talk about it. She talks about my earrings and we both wear clothes that the church wouldn't approve of. We don't apologize or make excuses. It's who we are, and I'd be happy to defend it if they asked. But they never do. When my mom told me in hushed tones that my uncle was (gasp!) gay, I just answered, “so?”

I don't know your parents at all, but I agree that arguing with someone as faith-drunk as they sound can seem pointless. Faith is a crutch and a blindfold--a substitute for an answer where there is none. Yet there was a point in my life where you'd have been hard pressed to find a more faithful member of any church. It hardly seems like a recipe for atheism, but somehow I managed to find a way out. So I don't think it's necessarily futile to talk to people. It took me a couple years after my first encounter with a non-believer to come around.

I'd like to answer your question with a question. Are you a "grief/pain causing, unreceptive, sterile, California-living Gentile "? Is that really the sum of who you are? Is that your whole value? Do you know anyone else who has the right to make that judgment for you? Is it wrong for it to hurt? I think you already know the answers, but just in case let me answer: Of course not, of course not, OF COURSE NOT! (Except for maybe the California-living Gentile part, and on that count I'm just jealous because it's only 10 degrees outside right now and I really want to be warm again BEFORE I DIE.)

So that's it. From what little information I have, you seem to understand who you are independent of the assessment of other people. One of the most valuable skills I've gained since leaving the church is learning how to just not give a damn what other people think. If I cared an ounce how my parents and their church saw me morally, I'd be much less happier than I am today.

Yes it can be tough to not be understood, and sometimes it's difficult to be the only person in the room that isn't crazy. Believe me, Heidi and I still struggle with it. What would I do? (Sigh). I'm no psychologist, but if it bothers you that badly, I'd gently ask about why you got such little credit—why the more noteworthy parts of your life didn't get mentioned. On the other hand, if it were me, I'd just look at it for what it was—your parents' homework assignment for a baseless cult for which you have no respect. They'll get several more, and you probably won't like a lot of them either. In the meantime, surround yourself with good people who appreciate you for who you are.

Good Luck. I hope it goes well for you.

Doug

EHL Podcast: Episode 4

When Homemade Curry and Armchair Philosophy Collide

Sunday, January 21, 2007
12:21PM

I’ve eaten a ton of good Indian food, but let me tell you—none of the restaurants I’ve been to can even hold a candle to Heidi’s cooking. And I’m not just saying that to be nice. I’m saying it because I have an agenda. I want you to understand that before you believe anything, you ought to test it. In this case, it’s relatively easy. We’re giving you our recipe.

Mmmmmmmm.

Join us as Heidi walks us through what would otherwise be a pretty daunting task—making a delicious chicken curry on your own. If you don’t tune in to this episode to learn how to cook, at least listen for the ideas. When you’re done, I think you’ll agree—her curry is great, and it might even teach you something valuable about life.

Download this episode. (37MB)
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Chicken Curry

  • 3 T vegetable oil
  • 3 cups finely chopped onions
  • ¼ cup minced, peeled fresh ginger
  • 3 garlic cloves
  • 3 T. curry powder
  • 1 tsp ground cumin
  • ¼ tsp. ground cinnamon
  • 1 tsp. salt
  • 3 tsp. ground cayenne
  • 2 T. all-purpose flour
  • 1 cup plain yogurt
  • 3 T. tomato paste
  • 3 cups chicken broth
  • 1 cup unsweetened applesauce

Heat oil in a heavy large pot over medium heat. Add onions and sauté until golden (about fifteen minutes). Add ginger and garlic; sauté one minute. Add flour, then yogurt and tomato paste, whisking until sauce is smooth (about one minute). Add broth and applesauce. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat; simmer until sauce thickens slightly, stirring occasionally for about 30 minutes.

  • 4 lbs. boneless, skinless chicken thighs, cut cross
  • ½ cup sour cream
  • ½ cup canned unsweetened coconut milk
  • steamed Basmati rice
  • fresh cilantro sprigs

Add chicken to sauce. Simmer until chicken is cooked through, about 30 minutes. Ad sour cream and coconut milk. Reduce heat to medium-low. Stir until chicken is cooked though and sauce thickens enough to coat spoon (about three to five minutes). Serve over rice and garnish with cilantro sprigs.

EHL Podcast: Episode 3

Celebrity To-do List

Sunday, January 14, 2007
10:12PM

Mix up the this week's cocktail and join us as we drool over the celebrities on our to-do list. The list isn't complete, and while we're at it, we'd like to hear who's on yours as well.

Download this episode. (32MB)
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EHL Podcast: Bonus Episode!

Noob Drinker's Guide

Saturday, January 13, 2007
3:42PM

Noobie drinkers beware! If you're new to the world of alcohol, just getting started can be overwhelming. The culture, the wide variety of choices and the sheer volume of dos and don'ts will almost certainly make you feel foolish more than once—unless you're careful.

Save yourself some hassle and embarrassment. Use us as your crash test dummies for before you navigate the supermarket, restaurants or liquor stores in pursuit of the perfect adult beverage. We'll share a few of the brands we like and a couple of our favorite recipes.

Download this episode. (26MB)
Subscribe to the podcast.

By the way, this episode pairs well with a post I wrote a while back called "Voulez-vous un Faux Pas?"

Have a drink recipe or story you'd like to share? From now on, we're going to try to start each episode with a new cocktail recipe. So, please write us a letter or record yourself and send it to us. If we like it, we'll include it in a later episode. If we don't, we'll spit it out. But don't feel too bad. You can always start your own podcast!

EHL Podcast: Episode 2

How I Lost My White Shirts,
My Hair and My Religion

Sunday, January 7, 2007
11:27AM

Heidi and I think that stories of how people left the Mormon, Catholic or (insert your former religion here) church all have one thing in common—they’re incredibly boring. But that didn’t keep us from recording an episode about it anyhow.

The truth is they aren’t all boring—especially not to the people involved. In my case, leaving the Mormon church was the end result of thousands of pages of study and fierce introspection. Strangely, I still remember it as one of the most stressful and the happiest times of my life. Join Heidi and me as we discuss our exit from Mormonism over seven years ago.

Download this episode. (26MB)
Subscribe to the podcast.

EHL Podcast: Episode 1

New Year’s Resolution: Start a Podcast

Monday, January 1, 2007
10:59AM

Done.

Well now. That was easy. Here’s the first episode (22MB).

Like it? Great! You can subscribe here. Heidi's doing the show with me, and we plan to be back about once a week.

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Copyright © 2007 Doug Humphries. All Rights Reserved.