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Heidi, Brynn and I love to read. If you live in America, this may come as a surprise to you. Then again, if you live in America, there's about a 50/50 chance that someone is reading this to you. Not to worry, we're not judging you. We just think you're stupid.

A few weeks ago I bought The Spiderwick Chronicles for our daughter. There were five "books" in all. When I say books, I mean hard bound chapters. For sixty bucks. Given that each one took about half an hour to read, I didn't really feel like I got a whole lot of bang for my buck.

The story was enjoyable enough, although clearly designed for a younger audience. Brynn loves the books and has read each several times. By the time each of us had turned the last page, you can imagine how excited she was to see the movie.

Unfortunately, the movie and the books had practically nothing in common. They added new things that didn't help the story and left out a lot of the original elements that kept us reading in the first place. What we were left with was a half-assed Hollywood formula movie that could have been a hell of a lot better.

This isn't the first time. Eragon, The Golden Compass, Stardust and dozens of others are just a few of the fine literary accomplishments that have been twisted into horrible cinematic train wrecks. Oh, ok. Stardust was still pretty fun. But the stories didn't need any fundamental changes. They were good as they were. Hell they were great. It baffle$ me how anyone could let $omeone el$e $o gro$$ly mangle their life'$ work. Then again, I $uspect I have a price, too.

I can't believe they actually rejected my cover art.

I was also a little surprised at how much this shot makes me look like a mentally retarded walrus.