Interview With a Would-Be Author

“Good evening. I'm Burton Graham, and I'm joined today in studio by the mostly unknown would-be author, Doug Humphries. His is a story surrounded by mystery, intrigue, dirty rags and empty bottles. People nearest to him say he had just commenced writing his first book, Children Make My Brain Bleed, when paramedics found his body slumped over the keyboard and only the title written.”

Here's Lookin' at You, Kid.

“Douglas. Nice to have you with us, especially considering the circumstances.”

“Uuuuuhngh.”

“Ah...erm, right. Well, I must say, I'm intrigued by the title this book would have had, that is to say, had you actually written it. Might I ask where you turned for inspiration?”

“Braaaaains...”

“ I see. Then may I ask what specifically it was that prevented you from ever finishing it?”

“Daaaaaaadaaadaaaaadaaaaa. DAA DAAAA DAAAH. Hi dah. Hi! Hi! HI! HI DAAAAD!”

“I'm sorry, I'm not quite sure I understood you.”

“Bah. Bah. Bah-bah. BAH-BAH. BAAAAHBAAAAAH.”